🎭 “Is It Me?!” – The Emotional Rollercoaster of Parenting a Child Actor (and How to Ride It Like a Pro)
By Melanie Ash (BA HONS/ALAM),
Founder of Meladrama Acting School & Director of CHAOS Talent Agency
“We didn’t get it, did we?”
“Why haven’t they called back?”
“That kid always gets the jobs…”
“Maybe it’s our agent’s fault?”
“…or mine?”
If you’ve thought any of the above – this blog is for you. First off, let me say this: you’re doing great. You’ve got this far, your child is still passionate, and you’ve shown up every step of the way. That takes serious commitment, love, and strength.
But maybe you’re starting to feel it’s time for a shift. The way you’ve been navigating this wild ride might have worked up to now – and that’s okay. You’ve done your best with the tools you had. But if you’re feeling drained, anxious, or stuck in a loop of stress and second-guessing, it might be time to protect your energy while still supporting your child. A small shift in mindset can bring a big change in atmosphere – not just for them, but for you too.
This blog isn’t here to tell you you’ve been doing it wrong. It’s just me, sharing what I’ve learned – mostly through trial, error, meltdowns, minor miracles, and more coffee than I care to admit.
And most importantly? That change is possible – and it can feel really good.
When I say good – it’s a sort of less wine required to cope and possibly helps with the peri-menopausal self tape rage kind of good.
That’s what we’re aiming for here – no fluff, just stuff that works.
🎬 Why Does It Hurt So Much?
Since COVID, the industry has shifted. Self-tapes are now the norm, which means parents have taken on a whole new role: reader, camera op, lighting technician, editor, label writer, agent liaison, and emotional support all rolled into one.
And when we don’t hear back, or get to the final two, or get no tapes for months?
We take it personally.
We feel rejected.
We think we’ve failed.
Why? Because we love our children. And because when you see their talent, their passion, their spark – all you want is for someone else to see it too. And if you are anything like me – you’ve probably put a lot on hold to make this dream happen!
But here’s the truth: Not getting a job doesn’t mean they’re not good enough. And it absolutely doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong.
🧠 It’s Not Your Fault (And Not the Agent’s Either)
The industry is saturated. The strikes might be over, but we’re still feeling the ripples – fewer productions, delayed filming, tighter budgets. AI is changing how roles are cast, and many streaming platforms are reducing kids’ content altogether.
When my son Leo started over 12 years ago, there were fewer actors and more opportunities. Now? Even the most talented kids face dry spells. So it’s important to remember:
You can do everything right – and still not book the role.
💡 So What Can You Do?
My Top 5 Tips to Ride the Showbiz Storm (Without Losing Your Mind)
1️⃣ Make Self-Taping Fun Again
It’s a performance opportunity – a chance to play, pretend, and do what they love. Don’t treat it like a job interview. Make it a bonding activity, a silly rehearsal, a game. That energy shows up in the tape, and casting directors feel it.
2️⃣ Send It, Label It, Forget It
Upload the tape. Label it properly. Click send.
Then go make a cuppa.
“Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” – Corrie ten Boom
Your worry will not change the outcome. It will only make you (and your child) anxious and distracted. This takes practice – but it’s a life-changer.
3️⃣ Lead by Example
Kids mirror you. If you fret about hearing back, they will too. Be calm, consistent, and reassuring. If they ask, a simple, “Not yet, we’ll hear when we hear,” followed by a change of subject is more than enough. You’ll soon train them (and yourself!) out of the habit of obsessing over callbacks.
This isn’t about ignoring their feelings – just helping them keep perspective.
4️⃣ Fill Their Lives with Other Stuff
Play football. Climb trees. Go swimming. Paint. Bake. Laugh. Be with people who have nothing to do with acting.
Some of my closest friends have never seen me on stage or TV. And that’s a good thing – because it reminds us that our worth isn’t tied to our bookings.
Oh – and maybe spend a bit less time on child actor Facebook groups. They can be helpful, but they’re also addictive. You don’t need to know who got what every five minutes.
Instead, use your energy to help your child grow emotionally – through talking, reflecting, noticing behaviour and emotion in themselves and others. All of that feeds into great acting – and an even greater life.
5️⃣ Not Booking is Not Failing
Sometimes your child just wasn’t quite right – and that’s OK. But it doesn’t mean they’re not good enough. And it definitely doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
Need some proof?
🎬 Viola Davis – Oscar winner – didn’t get her breakout screen role until her 40s.
🎬 Andrew Garfield lost out on The Chronicles of Narnia because he wasn’t “handsome enough” – then went on to be Spider-Man.
🎬 Millie Bobby Brown almost quit after Game of Thrones turned her down. A few weeks later she booked Stranger Things.
🎬 Jenna Ortega had constant rejections before Wednesday – now she’s one of the most recognisable young actors in the world.
It’s not about if. It’s about when.
🎓 A Long-Term Game Plan (Beyond the Spotlight)
We can’t put their whole childhood on hold waiting for the “big break.” If we’re in this for the long haul, then we need a realistic, healthy plan:
✅ Get their exams done (if that’s your route)
✅ Or stay on track with home ed
✅ Develop other career interests
✅ Find a side hustle or passion they can pursue outside acting
✅ Keep creating joyful memories and building a strong support system around your child.
Because if they continue in this industry long-term, the challenges will only grow. The emotional resilience they develop now will be what sustains them later – not just as actors, but as grounded, well-rounded adults. Remember, you’re not just parenting a performer – you’re raising a whole human being.
If your experience of the industry is filled with stress, frustration and disappointment, they’ll pick up on that – and it could dim their passion. You have to play the long game and accept that real success might take years. But starting young gives them a powerful advantage: the chance to build meaningful relationships with agents, casting directors, and other professionals; to grow their craft (especially if you treat each self-tape as a job in itself); and to develop adaptability and grit that will serve them for life – both on and off screen.
💬 Final Thoughts
This business is tough. It’s brilliant, bonkers, brutal – and sometimes breathtakingly beautiful. We’ve had seasons where it felt like we were making magic: glowing feedback, recalls upon recalls, and getting down to the final two for major, life-changing roles.
But what I’m proudest of? We did it as a team – with love, laughter, perspective, and a whole lot of grit.
My son Leo is proof that resilience pays off. Launched into the industry at just 6 years old, he’s been repped by arguably one of the biggest adult agents in the UK since the age of 10 – and now has a major U.S. agent too. From The Bay and House of the Dragon to working with global talent, he’s shown what’s possible with hard work, integrity and a grounded, supportive home behind him.
And the best part? The best is still to come.
If you’re finding this journey overwhelming – whether you’re trying to get started, feeling stuck, or just need someone to talk things through with – I offer one-to-one coaching for parents and carers. We can chat Spotlight profiles, agent communication, how to improve tapes, understanding industry shifts – or just how to cope with it all.
I know money can be tight – we came from nothing, so I get it. That’s why I offer affordable, accessible support with packages to suit all budgets. Because I believe every child – and every parent – deserves a chance to succeed without breaking the bank.
You’ve got this. And I’ve got your back.
📩 Email me at melanie@meladrama.co.uk to book a session
Let’s keep going – with grace, grit, and a whole lot of heart.
With love and solidarity,
Melanie Ash
(BA HONS/ALAM)
Founder – Meladrama Acting School
Director – CHAOS Talent Agency